Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Stupid f*%$ing weather!

As if it wasn't bad enough having to do yet another 12 hour shift .... but I've had to do it with my knee acting all pissed off over the cold drizzly crap that's been hanging around the air since right around the time I left the house. I should only have about an hour left and then I can go home and put it up for a while and hopefully not have to do another 12 hours tonight since the drizzly crap will still be lingering. At this point I don't know if I'd even be able to walk the 20ish minutes to the bus stop without bursting into tears. Ah well. At least I got puppy time tonight and was able to knock off a couple more episodes of Franklin & Bash and when I come in tonight I'll get to show our new hire how to audit because I guess she'll be doing it on weekends (and, hopefully, be around so I can take a night off once in a while without feeling guilty about making someone else do a double!). I have it all typed out so I may just hand her the sheet and say "Here. Call me if you need help." and then go back to Franklin & Bash. She has some hotel work under her belt, I guess, so hopefully she won't be too terribly, well, terrible.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Focus ... not obsession

That's my big goal for the foreseeable future : to approach this whole journey with focus but not obsession. Immediately that is going to involve not obsessing over macro ratios.

A dear old friend of mine told me: Focus to obsession is a personal perception thing, but if you feel stress instead of like you're just doing something ... its obsession.

You may or may not recall that for a while I had a sticky note on my desktop what I felt I should be doing for macros & whatever. It would change from time to time but it was always there and always something to obsess over.

I tend to be a perfectionist ... and obsessive. If I set my macros and am off on any of them by more than a couple of percents according to MFP I start freaking out and obsessing over how to fix it. It can drive a girl crazy. Focusing more on the calories in vs calories out will be easier and less crazy-making. Besides, tis the season of family gatherings full of cozy carbs ... and I will NOT deprive myself & make everyone else feel awkward and tense in the process. The internal and external tensions only add to the funk that I've been so desperate to break.

Anyway, that sticky I obsessed over was replaced this morning with this:

And then, just a few minutes ago, I remembered that today is the day that I've set as Goal Day in my new planner binder thingie ... so I filled out this week's goals:

Not sure how clear it'll turn up once I hit publish and I know it'll be small, even then, for those who may be looking via mobile so here they are again:
     Blog: 3 times for each
     Book: Finish Heart of Evil - 30%+ Decaffeinated Corpse
     Diet: Ignore the macros but not the the calories; 500+ daily deficit
     Fitness: 200+ minutes

So. Focus. (And some crossed fingers.)

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Half way through .... ish ....

Pretty much at the half way point of October and at this point the only goal set on the first that I feel confident in is the one based on The Reading Thing. I had said four books and I'm 1/4 of the way through the third (I have, though, changed the fourth book).

The doodles bit the big one (though I have been pretty successful so far with sticking to a photo-a-day dealie).

The exercise minutes so far are dismal at 501.

The scale has been creeping up instead of down.

I need to get a grip on something more than just my reading.

I also need a new planner since I'm one of those "gotta write it down" types. Mine went on an extended vacation with a friend since I was under the impression that a new one was coming to me. Almost two months later I'm getting twitchy. Maybe I'll just see if I have any spare 3-ring binders bouncing around the basement and use one of those. It won't be as convenient as something I could throw in my purse and drag with me everywhere but it would be better than the nothing I have now.


Tuesday, October 14, 2014

More laundry avoidance

I really hate it when our laundry person calls in sick or takes a day off. I have two heaping trolleys to do tonight and I just don't wanna.

"I just don't wanna"sums up an awful lot lately.

Exercise -- I just don't wanna.

Eating what I know I should rather than what I'm craving (nasty carbs) -- I just don't wanna.

Acknowledging the fact that those last two have resulted in me sliding further away from the elusive Onederland -- I just don't wanna.

I'm the Queen of Self-Sabotage. I've been here before. Things are going really super freaking well and then .... they're not. I get in a funk and a downward spiral which turns into an upward spiral scale-wise.

Ah well. The laundry isn't going to fold itself and the weight isn't going to just disappear.

Guess I better get to work ...

Friday, October 10, 2014

Funk Breakers

I'm in a funk tonight and I totally blame last night's 12 hour shift. It takes a lot out of me and I'm slow to recover. John helped a LOT after he got home from school today. Tom ordered in and since he was watching the tv downstairs, John & I took our food up to the playroom and had a little floor picnic while watching the tv in there. (He decided he wanted to try "real people" shows on Nick so we tried The Thundermans and Henry Danger out tonight. Loved them both!) The funk returned when I woke up from my pre-work nap, though. (I really REALLY didn't want to wake up.) Soooo I've been trying to re-break the funk with some reading, some Sims, some Jezebel.com & Diet Mountain Dew. I wanted to watch Cutthroat Kitchen but my Dish Anywhere app is being stupid and I can't find a decent stream for the most recent episode elsewhere. I thought I had one but then about 10 minutes in the episode restarted from the beginning. I'm trying another one now .... and if it restarts on me I'll just go back to my book earlier than I had expected. Or more Jezebel. I love that place. It's one of the few sites where the comments are pretty much as kickass as the articles.